Gnomes at War
by eletyx
Summary: We really didn't learn much about what happened to the gnomes during the War of the Lance. Here we get to take a look inside what happens in the bowels of Mt. Nevermind. Of course with a few explosions along the way.
1. prologue

**Prologue **

"Hey, hurry up!" called the factory worker from down the hall.

"I'm coming!" answered Geodic, "can't you give an old gnome a little break" He started walking, but realized that he forgot to turn off the secondary power supply to the facility. Normally he would have asked one of his underlings to do it but with the hard times and all he felt he started needing to do as much as possible to help improve the income.

Several of the machines were still up and running, like the instant mashed potato maker making machine. Its mechanical arms were still moving in formation for attaching various parts to the potato makers. Of course by a number of safety standards they were forbidden to manufacture the products for more than twelve hours straight without a complete shutdown of machinery for a complete investigation of the system. They were pushing it at running thirteen hours straight.

But it was time to close up for the night. An inspector couldn't come until the morning and they all deserved some well earned rest. At least as soon as the blasted machine was off.

He was nearing the secondary control lever when he heard something. He glanced over his shoulder to take a look. Nothing appeared to be there.

"Confounded contraption, always having parts break off," he muttered to himself. If he didn't find the loose part soon it could cause a chain reaction in the system.

He had to duck to avoid a stray construction arm, probably an effect from the defective component. If something like that was happening it was a good thing that he heard it. The machinery was very fragile outside the limited boundaries of the construction guidelines. If one part did something unpredictable then it wasn't hard for other components to be affected by the abnormality created. And if something was left unnoticed the end result after the chain reaction was catastrophic.

Geodic recalled the last factory that had stood in place of this one. All it had taken was one loose nut and pretty soon the saw blades are sawing through the support beams, and the whole structure comes collapsing down over you. Of course it would have helped if loose nut hadn't fallen into the gear system that controlled the fuel mixtures. The spark created ignited the whole batch and caused it to explode. A whole factory had been laid to waste on account of a loose nut.

Geodic was bound and determined not to let this happen again. Especially with the hard times on them they really couldn't afford to have the plant blowup and build another one.

Geodic saw the source of the problem: a rock stuck in a conveyor belt. He was just about to remove it when he heard a faint ticking from behind him. He looked behind him to see a gear stripping, against another gear. This confused him. The gears were totally unrelated to the conveyor belt. There was no possible way that the gears stripping could be caused by the rock.

He removed the rock to allow the continuation of the conveyor belts movement. No sooner than he removed the rock the, the stripped gears lost traction with each other, causing the construction arm attached to fall limp. This nearly hit him. Geodic side-stepped not a moment to soon and realized that he had to make his way back to the power control lever. If he could shut down the power it should stop the automations.

He sprinted back to the lever dodging a few hazards on the way. He barely reached the lever before a piece of metal framing fell away. It nearly impaled him. The lever would disconnect a drive gear from the turbine outside and disallow the power to get to the main drive shaft. Geodic tried to pull it without any avail. The lever was stuck, which didn't make any sense. According to the safety standard of emergency shutdown all switched, levers, cranks, etc. had to be lubricated on the hour in the case of an emergency shutdown. He himself had personally applied the lubricant to the lever not even an hour ago.

Giving up Geodic decided to use his last resort. He wound up and kicked the lever with all of his might. The wooden lever snapped and flew back into the gear drive mechanism. There it got caught and halted the system.

All of the machinery slowly came to a halt. The uncontrolled construction arms stopped swinging and the conveyor belts stopped. The whole factory seemed to come at ease with a calming tranquility.

Geodic thought that he did well. Granted a large part of the factory lay in ruin. But at least the factory itself was still intact. For the most part it could be easily repaired. He had single handedly saved the company from loosing their fourth factory in the last five years.

Now he really deserved that rest. He started for the lobby where the rest of the crew was waiting for him, probably blissfully unaware of what had happened. But surely they had heard the entire ordeal. He would ring them new rears when he got his hands on them.

He had just about reached the hallway to the lobby when he heard a footstep followed by a rasping of metal against metal. He turned around to see the dark factory from which he had just emerged. Nothing out of the ordinary. He decided that it was simply an after effect of the earlier commotion. He stared walking again when he heard a whistling noise from above. He looked up to see a crate twice his size and three times his weight come crashing down on him from a snapped pulley. It was the last thing he saw.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

In the mountain city of Mount Nevermind everyday life is never boring. The mountain home of the gnomes is always eventful. Be it a miraculous breakthrough in some technological field or and amazing new revolutionary device, the mountain city is always teeming with action and drama.

In part this is because of the gnomish nature to leave nothing simple_. If it is simple then it can be improved to perform better, _is a famous gnomish saying that sums up a vast part of the gnomish culture. What is the purpose of a simple potato peeler if you can make it cook the potatoes to? Eventually the devices can do nearly everything except what it was originally designed for. And because of the sheer complexity of the device they tend to have a low chance of working, at least work the way that it was supposed to work and when it is supposed to. _There is no fun in fixing a device that is not broken_ is another famous gnomish saying that accounts for the other half of reasons why they have to be so complex.

The young gnome Glenin fins his own adventure simply by doing his job. As part of the Law Enforcement Guild it was his duty to ensure that the laws of Mount Nevermind were upheld. Because of the nature of gnomes the city can become a dangerous place. Not intentionally on the gnomes part, but general unpredictability of the gnomes and their machines makes daily living very hazardous. On this note the Safety of the Common Individual Guild came up with a number of regulations that are supposed to ensure the wellbeing of gnomish society.

There had been a rumor muttered about an illegal rocket propulsion operation in the city recently. It had been inspector Glenin's job to justify these perpetrators and exploit them to the Law Enforcement Guild.

He made his way down the crowded street of gnomes, trying not to loose his footing in the busy walkway. Gnomes of all ages pushed past him from all directions trying to get wherever they were going. He managed to continue on for some time, all the while thinking of the best way to organize the traffic.

He had come up with the idea of designated lanes for certain gnomes when he heard his name from behind.

"Glenin!" called the voice, "wait up!" Glenin turned around to see his Phalli, his long time friend.

"Hey," answered Glenin, "long time no see!"

"Well I've been busy. I am on the verge of completing my Life Quest!"

"Really? How so?"

"Well, my Life Quest was to improve personal transportation and I think that I have taken a large step with these." He pulled out of his backpack a pair of shoes. But unlike ordinary shoes these had wheels attached to the side. But simply having wheels would be too simple for a gnome so a complex lever and gear system was installed as well.

"These babies will revolutionize the personal transportation industry. I was just on my way to the City Hall so that I could patent them and send the designs to Mass Production Manufacturers of Machines."

"Wow. That sounds impressive. All I ever get to do is look into minor annoyances and blemishes of the gnomish law. Nothing serious."

Phalli smiled at that. "I'm sure your chance will come. It comes for us all. You just have to be patient."

"Easy for you to say. You at least have a Life Quest to work toward. I have nothing," sighed Glenin. "Well enough of my petty ramblings. How do those shoes of yours work?"

"Glad you asked. When you push this button," he pointed to a small rod protruding out of the heels,"it pushes forth a small rod inside the shoe. Which clicks into place and releases a catch that allows the wheels to rotate until another rod stops them. Then the wheels can be used in a similar fashion to ice skates.

"It took me forever to perfect the design so that the wheels locked in place and didn't roll off while in use. But I think that this final draft will make the cut. I was actually hoping that I would run into you. Since you spend the majority of your time enforcing the safety standards I thought you would be able to tell me if it is in any direct violation of any safety rules.

Glenin paused for a moment to contemplate any violations. There were of course several laws that forbade the device, but with some persuasion they could be avoided. Only a painstakingly obvious violation would be difficult to get around. Fortunately Glenin had the knowledge to find loopholes for such a case. It paid to have friends in high places (though he wasn't so high).

"Well," began Glenin," the biggest violation would be the fact that-"he was cut of by a large exploding sound in the distance.

"Well by Reorx's beard," muttered Phalli. A large cylindrical shape with a coned front end and an open rear end (recently defined as a rocket, by the Registration of Machines Guild) was flying through the street with a gnome holding on for dear life by a rope. The rocket flew through the street and nearly hit a number of gnomes. By a number of safety standards it was illegal and was dangerous for the common citizen. By these thoughts Glenin was obligated to try to stop it. Just as it passed overhead Glenin and Phalli ducked narrowly avoiding getting their heads ripped off. It continued on its rampage with the gnome shouting curses all the while.

_I need to catch up to it_ thought Glenin. He looked around for something that could help. The only thing that he could think f was Phalli's wheeled shoe device.

"Phalli, I will need to borrow these," stated Glenin.

"But I haven't had time to properly test them in real conditions. There is no way to know how they will act," protested Phalli.

"Well here is a test run for you," Glenin said as he tried to put them on. "Do they come with brakes or other stoppage devices?" asked Glenin. He didn't get a chance for an answer on the count of a screaming gnome rammed Glenin from the behind and caused him to go speeding down the sloped road.

He rolled down the road with imaginable speed, albeit he had no control over them. Gnomes ran wild everywhere, either to get a better look at the rocket or to run off to spread the news of this exciting event. No matter what the reason Glenin was left with the difficult task of trying to dodge the haphazard citizens. Once or twice the only thing that stopped a collision was the gnomes' natural instinct to jump out of the way of a rampaging machine.

It took some time to get control of the contraptions on his feet, by which he guessed he had already went several levels down into the mountain. The gnomes had stopped running around wildly which indicated that the rocket either had passed here a long time ago or the rocket hadn't passed here at all. Glenin didn't know which choice he preferred, either one meant he was cold on the trail. He was just about ready to give up when a commotion rose up from behind him. He glanced over his shoulder to see the gnomes resume their excitement stricken panic.

Apparently the rocket had circled around and came up from behind Glenin. Now he skated as fast as he could to try to get out of the way of the rocket. But no matter how hard he tried the rocket still loomed in the distance and was creeping up behind him. The exhaust that trailed behind the rocket became to be a potent stench, further revealing its advance.

The rocket was rapidly approaching from the rear. Glenin could already feel the heat generated form the chemical reactions taking place inside. Suddenly the rocket gave and extra boost of speed and hit Glenin square in the butt. Glenin instinctually jumped at the contact and fell back right onto the rocket. Now he was not only speeding down the street uncontrollably, but he was on an illegal rocket that had the potential (as all gnomish inventions do) to blow up. The thought was not a comforting one in Glenin's mind.

He glanced back at the gnome that was hanging by the rope. He had managed to get onto the fuselage of the rocket and was now toying with a mechanical system built on the side. As he tinkered with the gears and levers the rocket began to do semi-controlled things. First it actually turned right to avoid flying straight into a building. Then it flew don to avoid crashing straight into a bridge. The top of the tunnel scraped on top of his shirt.

But even with this new level of control the rocket was still headed for nothing but disaster. Glenin decided to make the perilous journey to the back of the rocket where the gnome was trying to regain some more control of the rocket. Slowly he slid backwards trying not to fall off the rocket. He encountered a bit of a problem when a large fin was sticking out of the body of the rocket. But the problem was quickly subsided as the rocket made a sharp right turn and he slid around the body like a bolt on a screw. Suddenly the rocket was on top of him and he prepared for contact with the ground.

But it never came. He opened his eyes that he had closed in fear not knowing what to expect. He looked down to see the ground rushing underneath him. He looked up to see what had saved his life: the mechanical parts on the wheeled shoes had gotten caught n the mechanical system of the rocket. He was now dangling underneath a speeding out of control rocket. _This just keeps on getting better_ he thought.

The rocket continued its course for some time. All the while Glenin continued to try to loosen himself from the tangle of mechanical parts at his feet. Every time he even got close to the tangle the rocket would abruptly turn and he would get sent flying as far as l the tangle would hold. Then he would be pulled back by the forces of gravity. After a while Glenin gave up. _This must be taking a serious toll on my back_ thought Glenin. _I am going to have back problems by the time I'm forty._ So Glenin just hung there, to sore to seriously move.

He actually enjoyed the ride a bit. _After all its not every day you get to soar through Mt Nevermind upside down now is it?_ mused Glenin. But as all things do in Mt. Nevermind, he quickly ran into a problem. The problem was the bridge that they were about to go over. The rocket would clear it, but Glenin wouldn't. Summoning up all of his strength Glenin tried to lift himself up one last time (he hoped). About half way to his feet his back snapped quite loud. The momentary shock of pain before the relief caused Glenin to drop just before they went over the bridge.

Be it by some chance of luck or divine intervention the rocket suddenly rotated. This sent Glenin flying up in the air. But this time the tangle of mechanical components got unhinged, allowing him to fly up in the air. After a full 360 flip the landed, once again on the rocket. Though this time he managed to land near the back next to the gnome who was attempting to fly the contraption.

"Where did you come from?" asked the gnome.

"The bottom of your illegal rocket!" shouted Glenin." Do you know how many laws you are currently breaking?"

"Yes, I know! I'll accept full responsibility for the situation. But first we need to land this thing."

"Well is there any landing gear or procedures?" inquired Glenin.

"No, I was just installing those when this blasted thing took off. And who in their right mind will actually make landing procedures before they absolutely have to?"

If Glenin weren't flying through the air on an out of control rocket he would have sighed. He would just have to make do with screaming his head off, which he did. And the other gnome joined in for good measure. When Glenin fished his stress reliever he tried to calmly think of a solution to the problem. But it was no use. Glenin could probably think of a better idea while frantically trying to find the right gnomeflinger when he was in a hurry.

_Hey, that gives me an idea!_ thought Glenin.

"We need to clear the city part of Mt. Nevermind and see if we can get into the central cavern," shouted Glenin.

"What good will that do?" asked the other gnome. Then we will have to dodge the gnomes flying from the gnomeflingers!"

"But if we can get to the gnomeflingers we can use the receiving nets to catch the rocket in!"

"That's a good idea but we would need something to pull the trigger so that the receiving nets would open!"

"Then one of us should abort the rocket so that that one could trigger the gnomeflinger."

"I think that you should go," said the other gnome. "I know how to fly the rocket and I could try to steer the"-he cut off abruptly as the rocket turned sharply right. "I could try to steer the rocket to one of the nets."

"Agreed! Tell me when I should jump."

"Oh, there's no need to jump. When I pull this lever this way it will turn the fin to your right and knock you backwards to the gnomeflinger."

Glenin believed that it would work, he had no choice. As they neared the to the center of the mountain Glenin remembered the gnomeflingers, the gnomes answer to a lack of stairs. They were essentially catapults (actually catapults are gnomeflingers. But when a Solamnic Knight saw the gnomeflinger send the gnome flying into another gnome he got the idea that they could be used to send heavy rocks fling at the enemy. Hence the catapult, one of the more successful gnomish inventions) with a seat instead of a bucket. They sent gnomes flying through the core of Mt. Nevermind (Mt. Nevermind is a dormant volcano and the core is the shaft) until they came to where (hopefully) there was a receiving net that would extent and catch the gnome. If for some reason the net didn't extend in time a net below would extend to catch the gnome. If that net didn't come out fast enough another would extend and so forth until the gnome was caught. If the nets failed a large number of sponges would cover the bottom of the shaft to allow the gnome to land with minimal damage.

The whole system was really efficient when it worked the way it was supposed to. As Glenin sped toward it he hoped that it was working well today, this other gnome's life depended on it. The first gnomeflinger was coming rapidly towards them now.

"Ready?" shouted the gnome. Glenin nodded in response and prepared himself.

"Now!" yelled the gnome. He pushed the lever. Glenin braced himself, but the fin next to the other gnome swung and he was knocked off! He fell down and landed on the gnome flinger, which fired. The gnome didn't fly, but that didn't matter, the receiving net was extending now anyway. So far so good, except Glenin was left on the rocket with no idea how to control it.

They were headed for the net, but Glenin accidentally bumped a lever when he looked back and he took a sharp upward swing. Now the open mouth of Mt. Nevermind was all that filled his view. He held on for dear life as the rocket flew to Reorx knows where. He didn't even flinch when the rocket cleared the top of the mountain and started to turn to the base of the mountain. Now Glenin freaked out at the thought of crashing on the hard rock with no one to witness his death.

He frantically pushed and pulled levers and knobs, anything that would alter its course. The rocket wavered in place but still remained true to its course to the base of the mountain.

"By Reorx, let anything happen!' Glenin swore. With al the fury he could muster he hit the rocket and knocked one of the levers. Miraculously it began to turn up and to the left. He was still dangerously close to the ground, but at least he wasn't headed straight for it anymore. Glenin continued in this fashion for quite some time, by which he was able to get some degree of mastery over the controls. He could now steer to avoid obstacles. More than once he was forced to dodge a high jutting rock.

Now all he had to do was land the blasted thing. Glenin looked for a good place to land and decided to get a little closer to the mountain so he didn't have such a long walk back if he managed to land the rocket. So he headed in that direction wondering what he would do if the rocket ran out of fuel while he was still in the air. Bu he decided not to think of that because he saw a wall of rock close to the ground.

It would be the perfect place to use as a run way. He could fly close to the wall and scrape the rocket against the edge. That would create friction which would greatly reduce his speed. Eventually he would loose enough speed and have to land. It sounded easy enough.

Glenin lowered the rocket and flew precariously close to the wall of rock. As planned the rocket began slowing down when he came in contact with the rock wall. Not as planned was the shower of sparks that flew out from behind the rocket. Something inside Glenin said that the sparks were bad but right now he had no other choice.

The rocket had lost approximately half its speed by Glenin's calculations. But he was still going to fast to make any attempt at a proper land bound landing. Glenin thought that for the first time today something was intentionally going right. But just as he thought that one of the stabilizer fins broke off. Glenin looked behind him to see it fall to the ground with a clang. He turned forward again only to see the end of the rock wall was connected to a small mini mountain. Glenin immediately turned the controls to go up. Unfortunately with the stabilizer fin gone the directions of the rocket were scrambled. Instead of going up he went to the right, right towards a cave. Glenin figured that a cave was better than a rock wall, until the cave ended.

Momentarily the cave was dark. But after a minute it was illuminated once again. Glenin looked around puzzled at the light. Apparently he had flown the rocket into one of the factories just outside Mt Nevermind. Glenin once had the opportunity to take a trip to on of them. But this one was completely different from the one that he had visited. This one was fully automated. In the distance he could see a large quantity of broken machinery. Obviously there had recently been an accident that had caused a chain reaction.

Glenin began to wonder what could have caused such damage when his thoughts were cut short by the maze of machinery in front of him. He tried to steer up but was to late. Before he knew it he was flying through the close and confined spaces of the factory with the rocket. He heard a rip and looked behind him to see another one of the stabilizer fins break off. Now with the severity f the off balance Glenin lost any control that he would have had.

The rocket began spinning wildly through the factory, but still maintained the forward motion. More than once they collided with some of the equipment and were sent sprawling more randomly than usual. The final time they hit a large curved conveyor belt. The rocket got caught on the conveyor belt and was being pulled in that direction. When the conveyor belt ripped they got sent flying at a high speed through an alleyway. Glenin thought that this was pretty good compared to other alleys that were littered with construction arms. He changed his opinion very quick when he saw the end of the alleyway. Three construction arms sat limp due to the fact that they were hooked on each other. They made a triangular formation that wouldn't fit the rocket through.

Glenin gave a final prayer to Reorx, for he knew that he was about to die. He was gong to die a horrible death caused by a wild rocket. He braced himself (it felt like a really familiar feeling after today) and prepared for his death. The front end of the rocket was angled so it squeezed itself into the gap. But the rocket could go no further and the construction arms refused to budge. The sudden halt of the rocket sent Glenin flying. Where he flew he didn't know. All that he remembered was that he hit something soft that smelled like perfume. In the moment before he passed out he saw that he was covered in chicken feathers. Then everything went black.


End file.
